Courage and Bravery

Courage and bravery are words that most of us have a hard time defining. Perhaps that is so, because most of us have truely never had to muster up REAL courage and REAL bravery. These are usually reserved for those who serve in the military or do some "heroic" act to save another's life. But yesterday, I saw a little 5th grade boy muster up all the courage and bravery that most of us, would have run from.

I am so blessed to be called to teach children with special needs. They continually show me strength, courage, bravery, and unconditional love. Yesterday was the 5th grade graduation at our school. It's a "ceremony" which celebrates the ending of grade school and the beginning of middle school. There is the usual "pomp and circumstance" song playing while all the "graduates" march in two by two. Typically, this is an exciting day for all our kids. But yesterday, for one little boy with autism, it was a living nightmare. You see, little C has a VERY DIFFICULT time with loud noises. Usually he doesn't go to assemblies because of the noise level with alot of people around. I was concerned that he was going to have problems, but he seemed to take the practices in stride (not without a few incidences though). I had planned to stay with him as long as needed to reassure him that he COULD walk down that aisle. He was VERY anxious yesterday morning as he arrived at school. I anticipated he would be, and intercepted him at the door. He came into my room and read books and played a few video gamesinstead of going to his classroom, to shield him from all the excitement there.
The big moment arrived when his class lined up to walk the aisle. He clung to me for reassurance and I assured him he could do it. He was irritated. He was cranky. He didn't want anyone to tell him how nice he looked. The anxiety was getting to a fever pitch, but he hung in there. He wanted me to walk him to the "arch" and then let him walk alone to his seat. I agreed. His biggest fear was being embarressed because all those people would be looking at him.
Well...we made it to the arch and I let him go...and as soon as I let go he stiffened his arms and briskly (he was supposed slowly walk) walked to his seat. As he looked rather awkward walking down the aisle the crowd laughed....OMG he knew they were laughing at him. And he was right....they were laughing at him...no malice intentended, but they laughed. He threw his face into his hands and said loudly, "they're laughing at me"...his teacher quickly came off the stage to escort him to the hall where I was rounding the curve. He ran to his room and I followed ...I found him in a corner crying,"they laughed at me, they laughed at me..don't make me go back in there."...my heart was broken..he had mustered all the courage he could, just to walk down that aisle and he was crushed. His dad found us and he also welled up...I had to step up to the plate and be a professional..not cry, not be angry,but take control of the situation...he and his dad needed me to be the professional...
In short time, he calmed and I managed to get him back into the assembly to finish his graduation...he DID walk across that stage to receive his certificate..without incidence. WHAT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT...
C never ceases to amaze me...he showed what courage was all about..he showed what bravery is all about..Even through the autism, C did what most of us "normal" people only think we could do...we couldn't. C, you are my hero. C, you taught me more than most people in my life have. C, I love you and will sorely miss you.
My hat is tippped to all my special needs kids, who, everyday, deal with adversities. I love you all...here's to the class of 2009.....

It's Been a "Zipidee Do-Dah" Day

When the kids were littel I would many times sing "Zipidee Do Dah" song to wake them for school. I know they were pretty irritated, but everyday was a new beginning and a "wonderful, ordinary, day." It's been one of those days to just stop and "smell the roses." Rocking my Lyse, kissing my Ashley, telling "mommy" stories to Avery, and remembering with Ally when she stayed here in Jan. What more could I ask for? I saw Emily's childhood friends, my good friend Kaye Smith, old friends like Lu and Shirley and REAL friends like Cindy Mac, Cheryl, and Robbie. It's hard to see anything but beautiful blue skies and and an absolutely blessed life. WOW, I am amazed at what God has given me. The BEST part of the day was spending time with MY two kids and the best son-in-law anyone could ever ask for .....all this brought together by one little girl orphaned in China.
If you stop to think about it, that one day, a mother sacrificially left her sweet baby at the gate of an orphanage in Lowdi City (probably for her little one to receive medical help) and THAT little girl is now in our family. And that ONE child brought together all of us to celebrate....mmmmmm...one BABY that CHANGED THE WORLD..kinda sounds like another story I know. God uses the smallest of us for HIS glory.
WHAT A WONDERFUL, ORDINARY DAY...AREN'T THEY BEAUTIFUL?

May 12, 2009

He (jim) would have been 59 today. I wish he were here to see his new grandchildren, the beautiful woman his daughter has become, and see Stephen finish college....When the kids were little he would always get annoyed when Mother's Day and his birthday fell on the same day! He felt cheated when that happened! I always teased him because I thought it was funny...
oh, well...You will be remembered on your birthday today. Stephen will be going to the cemetary to put flowers out. It is comforting to him when he goes to the cemetary. I will pray for him as he still misses him very much. He talks about that occassionally. I understand, I still miss my daddy very much and always will..it's been 29 years since his passing. Sometimes life is just hard...this is one of those times.

May 11, 2009 ... A Day to Remember

Tonight Stephen takes his LAST college final. WOW! What a gracious God I serve. He has been through more than many people will their entire lives. But God is not finished with him yet. "His last final, his last final" ...it's hard to believe..He has promised to call me when he leaves UALR to tell me how he feels! He already has a job, is finishing school, and now the fun begins...real life! As I said in an earlier post, I AM going to graduation, even though he isn't able to go. My mind is so full of memories. The first day he got on the bus to go to kindergarten, I cried like most moms do...but I was crying because he was ALIVE to go to school..not because he was my baby going to school.
AND NOW..........GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE.....Time to stop and smell the roses...time to be humble and be sooooo grateful to God that HE brought him to this point...He kept him here, HE is able..."God will make a way, when there seems to be now way...He works in ways we cannot see, HE will make a way for me"..
He certainly made a way for Stephen......May God be glorified and receive all the glory.....for it is only HIS to have...

Rain, Rain, and MORE RAIN! 'STOOOOP!"

It has rained and rained and rained for more than 3, yes, THREE weeks! I know that in July when it's really hot and dry, I will look back at these days and wonder why I wanted it to stop raining,.....but this is ENOUGH! We have had more than 7 inches of rain in MAY and it's only May 10!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL...Funny how Mother's Day works...On Mother's Day, it is expected that moms have a break from the kids, the house, the shopping, and work..but it's odd that on Father's Day, he GETS to spend the day with the kids!!!! I think a mother thought up that idea! Aren't we smart? Both on mother's day AND father's day, moms get a break!!! wooohooo!!!!
Most memorable Mother's Day was spent at my best friend's house, Lu. As usual, we spent Mother's Day together because we both had 2 kids and were both single. Sooo, on this particular Sunday, we drove to her house (she lives about 10 miles out in the country) to have dinner. For some reason (I don't remember what we fixed) but we used her electric toaster. Bad mistake. It sparked and smoked from the outlet. Welllll....we decided to be on the safe side and call the (volunteer) fire department just in case that spark had ignited something in the wall that we couldn't see...it wasn't worth the risk that a fire had started in the wall without our knowledge and we would have a full blown issue on our hands. Sooo, Lu put in the call to the (volunteer) fire dept. and we waited, and waited, and waited for them to arrive... They got there, but barely! Lu's house is situated on a curve and the big fire truck had ALOT of trouble manipulating that curve to get IN her driveway!!! It was a FALSE alarm, as there was no fire in the wall...sure the guys were happy about leaving their mother's day gatherings to come "see if there was a fire"...but better safe than sorry...we have laughed about that mother's day for years!!! It will go down in our history as being the funniest Mother's Day on record!
SOOOOOO, HERE'S TO MY MOM AND ALL YOU OTHER MOMS OUT THERE THAT ARE THE GLUE THAT KEEPS THE FAMILY TOGETHER...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

I'm Going Anyway...Without Him

Where? Without who?..Stephen is supposed to walk at graduation on May 16 at 3;00. He cannot go to his own graduation because one of his boyhood friends is getting married. He cannot miss this wedding..he is in it. Sooooo....I am really disappointed that I will not see him receive his dipolma...it's been a loooooonnnnng, haaaaarrrrdddd, road. I get a lump in my throat whenever I even THINK about it, much less realize I will never see it. It may sound strange, but I'm going to the commencement exercise anyway. I HAVE TO be there....even though he will not be..I want the pamphlet that shows his name...I want to go there and sit and imagine him walking across that stage...I want to sit there and PRAISE God for leaving him here. I want to sit there and think about teachers that said that would NEVER happen and realize that he was able to overcome soooo much to get to this point. I want to cry, laugh, sing, and shout alllll at the same time. So many memories, emotions, joys and sadness all rolled into one day. I am sorry his daddy didn't get to see this day. I am sorry that Stephen will not get to experience this day. What a day of rejoining it will be!
I'M GOING ANYWAY....WITHOUT HIM

Things on My Mind

Things on my mind:
Mom in San Antonio..living with Skippy now. Skippy is struggling to make this work. Same ole, same ole..Mom is not a very positive person AND the world evolves around HER...so, there's not much room for positive, enjoyable existence between the two. How, how, how do people live like that. "It is well with my soul"..a song we sing at church..one that reminds me that whatever the circumstance, to be content and realize that you are NEVER alone, and HE will NEVER abandon you. The song goes on.."whatever my lot,You have taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul."
School...paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork..Friday was a great day because with the 5th grade on a field trip, I could sort out the MOUNDS into organized piles: CENTRAL OFFICE COPIES SCHOOL FOLDER COPIES PARENT COPIES
TEACHER COPIES (maumelle middle) TEACHER COPIES (Chems) MY COPY FOR MY BINDER..these past few weeks have been killers! It's like tax season for an accountant...at work we call it "PAPERWORK SEASON" Let's see..each student has on average about 13 forms. Multiply that by 23 kids=299 forms to prepare. When you copy that 5 times = 1,495 pieces of paper! I wonder how many trees that is...I'll get back to ya on that one.
Speaking of school...Have applied to Bryant School Dist. PCSSD is BURNING ME OUT... Will complete the necessary paperwork for Bryant and get that off in the mail by Monday..should I consider it or not??? Let's see what becomes of that.
The garden...the one thing that is a DESTRESSER! Went to the garden Thurs afternoon just to check on it...it really looks great! The purple hull peas are coming up, green beans are just beginning to sprout, tomatoes and cucumbers lookin good..just waiting for the okra and eggplant to sprout....squash is lookin healthy. I LOVE IT OUT THERE...hope I can say that in the middle of the summer. Have met some really neat people out there..Samuel, Leo, a little family down a couple of plots..they bring their 2 year old...reminds me of yesteryear when I would bring emily in her diaper out there, give her the hose, and let her get as dirty as she wanted...only regret..didn't get a picture one. The garden is the one thing right now that grounds me and surrounds me in solitude. Nature, God's perfect gift to us..a way to feed ourselves..the pleasure of the growing season..ahhhhh!
will close with that pleasureable thought...